Super

So I watched the trailer for The Amazing Spiderman earlier (nerds, unite! Also, can Emma Stone and I just be best friends already?) It got me thinking about super heroes, who they are, and what they can do.

As one who frequently kicks major booty in an unconscious state (for some reason, a lot of my dreams involve me having to defend my loved ones against bad guys...), I'd like to think that if I were bitten by a radioactive arachnid or born with some telekinesis mutation a la Jean Grey/Phoenix from the X Men comics, I would really be able to do some damage and cut down on a crud load of crime.

However, sadly when I think about the powers that I would most like to have, they pale in comparison to those that are actually useful. My optimal list of super skills would go something like this:

1. Ability to eat as many cakes, cookies, and bowls of ice cream as I want without feeling full or causing major cardiovascular damage.

2. Stop time... so that I can nap any time of the day without losing daylight

3. Hear animals' thoughts. This would be really hilarious if it didn't turn out to be as annoying as all of the Dr. Dolittle movies (seriously, how many have they made now?)

4. Never grow leg hair

5. The ability to get ready for the day, shower and all, with a point of my finger (I borrowed this one from Sabrina the Teenage Witch)

I wish that these dreams were a reality, but alas, I am only human. Thankfully, I have known some pretty "super" people in my lifetime, so if there is any way I can learn from their goodness and awesomeness, maybe I can develop some more helpful traits.

To delight our many (har har) readers, I created a visual representation of what Super Alyssa might look like.

Why the sarong, you ask? Because it breathes. The grocery bag is to indicate one of my talents, which is carrying as many as possible from the car to the kitchen in an attempt to prevent having to go outside again (laziness at its finest). My record is thirteen.

What are your powers?